Reflections on Wellness Series
Being a therapist has its own stressors, as well as blessings. The more we can find ways to keep ourselves healthy, the better we are able to serve our clients. Being able to face our own life dilemmas in a positive way allows us to have the emotional bandwidth to be there for our clients in their times of need. Writing (either in a personal open-ended journal or with structured exercises) can be a valuable tool for us to use.
Universal Life Issues
For years, I have used my personal writing as a way to maintain or regain my emotional stability, to clarify intrapersonal and interpersonal conflicts, and to ride out rough patches in my life. Writing has seen me through a divorce, a major career transition, and the loss of loved ones.
Are you struggling with a difficult relationship in your life? Is there a major decision that you will need to make soon? Do you struggle with habits you wish you could change? Have you recently suffered a major loss through the death of a loved one or the death of a long-held dream? Would you like to get clear on a meaningful new goal to pursue in your life? Have you ever had the experience of wanting more fun and creativity in your life?
As I write these questions, I realize these are universal human issues. Clients present these issues to us. We, as therapists, face these issues as well.
Benefits of Personal Writing
Because personal writing is for your benefit only, you don’t have to worry about a stern English teacher rapping you on the knuckles when you have misspelled a word or have been “unclear about your major theme!” Personal writing is about you and whatever use you want to make of your time.
Personal writing provides many of the same benefits that good therapy does:
- It is a safe haven for those times when life is difficult and overwhelming. On those blank pages, you can be open and honest without fear of reprisal from unsupportive others.
- A personal journal can support the release of difficult emotions, including sadness, grief and anger. As I faced the inexorable decline and ultimate death of my elderly parents who suffered from dementia, writing helped sustain me through the difficult days, months and years.
- Often being able to say what you need to say (even if only on paper), can reduce a sense of isolation, depression, confusion, or resentment.
- You can practice difficult conversations that you would like to have with significant others in your life. In the process, you can get clear what you really need to say and be able to have a more meaningful and productive dialogue.
- You can sort out different parts of yourself that get in the way of making a decision or pursuing a goal wholeheartedly. One way to do this is to write out a variation of a “two-chair intervention” by working with two parts of your self: The critic and the cheerleader, the introvert and the extrovert, the part that wants to persevere and the part that wants to quit.
- Over time, you can see the progress towards your goals. Sometimes, you can also see the lack of progress, and that can motivate you to “get moving.”
- Maybe you have written something and actually enjoyed the fun of it. These moments can happen in therapy as well: a sense of shared laughter and life-affirming human connection. Just for fun, look around the room and find six items. Try writing something that connects the items in some way. Each time I have done this, the beginning of a mystery novel has surfaced. Maybe that will be my next career!
Writing as a Tool for Health
If the idea of writing appeals to you, you can use it in a variety of ways:
- Keep a daily journal.
- Write only when you are struggling with a difficult issue, decision, or emotional reaction.
- To get yourself started, begin with a writing prompt such as “I remember,” “I wish I could forget,” or “I want.” Using “I appreciate” or “I remember” can help you mine some wonderful memories of special people in your life. Recently I wrote one whole page of one-liners that began, “I used to be... but now...” This helped me see that I have come a long way!
- Use writing to flesh out possible things to say when facing difficult conversations.
- Write letters that you don’t intend to send to significant people (including yourself) as a way to release emotion, to clarify your thoughts, and to identify self-defeating beliefs.
I hope some of these ideas will prompt you to experiment with your own writing.
Judy Davidson, MFT, works for the County of Santa Clara’s Employee Assistance Program providing short-term counseling, assessments, referrals, and workshops for county employees and their families.
