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Interview with Siobhan Cassidy, LCSW by Vidur Malik, LMFT, Director at Large

Vidur: Could you please introduce yourself and the work you do?

Siobhan: My name is Siobhan Cassidy. I'm a licensed clinical social worker. I'm originally from New York. About five years ago, I moved to California and transferred my license. Originally, I was in San Diego. I just got to the San Mateo County area in October of last year. I'm excited to be a part of this chapter and get to know people as I’m moving my practice here. I specialize in young people, kiddos, and teens, and specifically grief and life transitions. Sometimes that comes up as a formal grief, but many times it also comes up as grief of friendships, transitions from elementary to middle school, or in thinking that their college journey didn't turn out.

Vidur: What initially drew you to working with a child population? Within that, what drew you specifically to supporting children with different types of grief?

Siobhan: It was by accident. I was in graduate school in New York, working with addictions, family members, and high schoolers. It was during a time of significant heroin and opiate abuse, and the dying part of it and the people who are left behind. With my second practicum, I always wanted to work in health care, so I worked at the Cancer Institute in New York. That was all ages. I loved working with kids. I find it to be easier. They are little superheroes.

Vidur: What in particular makes working with kids easier than other populations?

Siobhan: Kids just want to play. There is this innate curiosity about them, whereas when we grow older, we get stuck in our ways. With kids, I just find it a little bit more approachable, and maybe that's also my personality.

Vidur: I noticed your website is really refreshing in terms of the language and acknowledging that much of therapy terminology can feel condescending or not very real. What was it like for you to come up with your descriptions of who you are and the work you do?

Siobhan: Thank you for that. It came from my patients. Ever since the pandemic, there's been this influx of therapists on social media. Now kids are coming in and they're saying, ‘my parents are narcissists’ and things like that. How can I get something that could be complex down to the nitty gritty so you know what you're getting in session? This is also how I speak, so I wanted that to flow over my marketing so they know what they're getting.

Vidur: I would imagine that working with death and really heavy issues like cancer, you have to just be real about it, and you can't really beat around it.

Siobhan: I’ve actually had feedback from my patients saying they need the directness in death. For example, if I have a patient who lost their wife, that person is no longer married, and saying it directly gives language for something that's new.

Vidur: Do you think that that shows up in working with kids too, acknowledging the elephant in the room?

Siobhan: It's interesting with kids because it's almost like they're already there. Kids are in these environments are surrounded by adults telling them how to think. Instead, they want the truth and they want to talk about things that are real for them. I almost find that if you just give them permission, welcome it, or model it, they themselves will then come out and find the words. If they don't have the words, that's okay because then we can do expressive arts or we can make words up.

Vidur: What else has come up for you as unique challenges of working with child populations that maybe aren't there with adults or other populations?

Siobhan: It's very difficult to be a young person. They're this individual human being that was born into this world. Then they're around these adults who have to say no a lot to keep them safe. They also have to maybe go to a school that they don't want to go to, be around people they don't want to be around. There's a lot of “no.” The way I approach that is by giving them permission to be themselves. They can tell me ‘no’ and practice saying ‘no.’ Here is a ‘yes’ area.

Vidur: We've all had some experience working with kids, and  a lot of clinicians get nervous about it. What are some things that you’ve found are the best ways to make therapy engaging and relevant for kids as opposed to an obligation?

Siobhan: I think it's rolling with the resistance. It's rolling with the idea that some of them might not want to talk. and they might want to sabotage it. I've also had children test me, ‘who are you? what do you like? why are you going to ask these questions and I don't know anything about you?’ I have an open book with appropriateness. I share that I'm a member of the queer community, I like to watch this show, my favorite color.

I have done so many CPS reports in my time. I use that approach of, ‘this is because I care about you.’ Sometimes if I'm getting information that might be reportable, I don't make them shut up right away. I want them to tell me more, tell me more of your experience, and know that maybe I'll sit with that for a session, and I'm not going to do anything. Then it might build, and then I'll bring to them because this is a working alliance. And I say,  I'm going to do this CPS report, but what is our goal between me and you?’

I have this rule that I tell them in the beginning, they're the driver, and at the halfway mark, I always check in: ‘How's it going? Do you want to continue? Are you over it today?’ Because otherwise, why are we trying this out for 45 minutes if they're checked out? Might as well just do half the time.

Vidur: Are there other things that you wanted to share about yourself or about working with kids that you think would be relevant?

Siobhan: I know this is an area that a lot of clinicians suffer with. Unfortunately,the context (of working with kids) sometimes is very upsetting, so it's constantly checking in with yourself.

I have this way now where if a child is telling me something that their safety is at risk and something's going on, where I just sit with my feelings and slow down and tell them, ‘okay, let's take a breather.’ Having one safe person in the world is so important to them, so if a kid is not engaging with me, and they don't want to be here, they might just be testing you to see if you will be there because no other adult might be there for them in a safe way. It might take a long time to get their rapport going.


Siobhan Cassidy’s biography

Siobhan Cassidy is a cis-gendered, queer woman, who is a first generation Irish-American. She is a licensed clinical social worker and is licensed in California and New York. Siobhan's specialties include grief and loss, sexual education and sexuality/LGBTQA+ folks, neurodivergent/ADHD struggles, and college/early career support. She has much experience with grief and loss after a decade of work in clinical hospital settings with children and adults.

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