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Vidur Malik speaks with Cindy Gum, an LMFT, playwright, and co-facilitator of the SCV-CAMFT Licensed Therapists Support Group, about how to support older clients with the many life transitions they experience.

Cindy Gum has been in private practice for 25 years. She co-leads the CAMFT Licensed Therapists Support Group with Nasrin Farr and has recently served as a Supervisor at CHAC in Mountain View. Cindy has written four plays on aging and end-of-life, hosted a public access TV show Healthy Aging, and enjoys writing. She is now refocusing on what she loves most: working in the sand. An avid traveler, she recently visited India and Africa, and she finds joy in her extended 'modern' family. One of her guiding philosophies is, "When the dream changes, change the dream"—and so she has.

Vidur: Could you introduce yourself and the work you do, along with any clinical specialties?

Cindy: I’m a marriage and family therapist with 25 years of experience. I'm really redirecting now toward doing what I love, which is working in the sand with people going through transitions. I currently work from my home office, where I specialize in supporting older adults in transition and teaching Experiential Sand Tray Therapy—a unique approach I developed for working with adolescents and adults.

Vidur: What gave you the idea that Sand Tray work could be helpful?

Cindy: To me, the sand tray offers a powerful way for individuals to safely hold and explore their story. It provides a sense of containment, allowing people to confront their experiences without being overwhelmed. I truly believe that one of the most important things any of us can do is to know we can hold our story without feeling like we’ll ‘fall apart.’ It’s challenging, but once you realize you can hold your story with compassion and respect, it no longer feels larger than you—you become the author, rather than the other way around.

Vidur: For many older clients, I imagine life feels like one constant transition—retirement, losing a partner, or mobility challenges.

Cindy: Absolutely. They're often overwhelmed by many transitions, and it takes a toll. The constant adjustments wear them out emotionally and physically. I like to help my older clients safely examine how their story impacts their life and the transitions in the present.

Vidur: What drew you to working with older clients and end-of-life issues?

Cindy: My connection with this population grew from personal experience, especially after my husband’s spinal cord stroke in 2006. He was 13 years older than me, and over the years, I became more involved with the unique challenges facing older adults. Now, as someone approaching her eighth decade, I feel deeply connected to their experiences—I am my own ideal client.

Vidur: You were recently certified by Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. What projects are you currently working on?

Cindy: My journey as a long-term caregiver led me to Compassion meditation, which eventually connected me with the Stanford Ambassador program. I created a pilot project—a journaling circle for family caregivers. After a successful year, I expanded it into a free monthly Zoom Journaling Circle at BreathingSpacesfc.com, open to anyone wanting to become a better caregiver to themselves. I also contribute a monthly blog to their newsletter and am currently writing Caregiving YOU, a book that offers practical tools for self-nurturing through self-acceptance, connection, compassion, and trust.

Vidur: In your experience, what have been some of the most effective ways to help older clients feel seen and heard in session?

Cindy: Deep listening is key. I use reflection to validate their decision to seek support, and I allow their story to unfold naturally. This approach helps build trust and opens the door for them to share their needs.

Vidur: What should clinicians keep in mind when working with aging clients who are also caregivers for another aging person?

Cindy: It’s crucial not to assume that the person they’re caring for is necessarily a 'loved one.' Long-term caregiving, especially in marriages or with chronic illness, can create complex emotional landscapes. Caregivers often feel exhausted and frustrated, struggling with their unmet needs while tending to someone else’s. These caregivers need validation, emotional support, and resources. You might direct them to local support groups or online platforms like BreathingSpacesfc.com, which offer free, accessible support circles.

Vidur: What advice would you give to younger therapists who may not have much experience working with aging clients?

Cindy: Building a trusting relationship is key. Listen deeply, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge your age difference by saying something like, ‘I know I’m younger, but I’m here to support you.’ Older clients are life experts—they have so much to teach us. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen. Hearing loss can also impact communication and intimacy. I struggled for a long time to name it, but I eventually called it ‘verbal intimacy.’ When that connection is cut off, it can create a feeling of disconnection. So, be curious, listen, and meet them where they are, just as you would with any other client.

References:

● "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End" by Atul Gawande

This book explores the challenges of aging and dying, focusing on the human experience and the emotional complexities that come with growing older. Gawande blends storytelling with medical insight, making it a compassionate and thought-provoking read on what it means to live well until the end.

● "The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully" by Joan Chittister

Chittister, a Benedictine nun and author, reflects on the spiritual and emotional dimensions of aging. The book is divided into short, meditative chapters that explore different aspects of growing older, including accepting change, finding meaning, and embracing the richness of later years.

● "The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers: Looking After Yourself and Your Family While Helping an Aging Parent" by Barry J. Jacobs

While focusing on caregivers, this book addresses the emotional strains of aging, chronic illness, and caregiving. Jacobs offers practical advice on how to manage stress and maintain emotional well-being while supporting an aging loved one, making it relevant for both caregivers and those navigating their own aging journey.

● "Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives" by Daniel J. Levitin

Written by a neuroscientist, this book blends research with practical advice on how to maintain cognitive and emotional health as we age. It emphasizes how high-functioning older adults can make the most of their later years by staying engaged, curious, and connected.

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